A Modest Proposal: Bring Back the
By Bernard Weiner, Co-Editor
February 18, 2012
American society is in such corrupted,
chaotic shape that the only way out is to transform into a theocracy and
re-institute the Inquisition.
All this back-and-forthing, two steps forward/one step backward kind of
political gamesmanship, along with this country's archaic voting system,
take up so much time and energy and money that could be devoted to muscular
military and political action.
Democracy encourages confusion and social turmoil, leading so-called liberal
leaders and the ignorant, easily-led masses to falsely believe they have a
say in what needs to be done.
What this country really needs, immediately, is a strong leader who will
grab the reins of power, ride that martial horse into action, and robustly
sort things out with no delay.
IT'S REALLY QUITE SIMPLE
We need to forget the rainbow of complexity and get back to simple
black-and-white truths that are the bedrock of our faith. With God as our
fixed point, and at our side, we can then extricate our country's leaders
and institutions from the ruinous secularism that has driven our society
into such desperate straights. (Just look at how outrageously and
aggressively women behave these days, ever since the advent of The Pill,
forgetting their God-ordained place in the world.)
God has indicated the direction we need to aim for. And we are blessed with
positive developments in our crusade: America's corporate leaders are
working hand-in-glove with our movement. Our religious leaders can sway and
control at least a strong third to half of the U.S. population (most of the
rest are half-asleep and will be easy to sway). Our country's mass media are
docile and willing to follow our lead. And we have enough fellow patriots in
the military and local policing agencies, and in patriotic militias around
the country, to create a tipping point for the necessary transition to godly
We have our American role models -- Father Coughlin, David Duke, Joe
McCarthy, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, etc. -- who have laid the
religious and ideological foundations for our movement. Plus there are
plenty of historical role models abroad (Mussolini, Franco, Pinochet, etc.)
who have shown how to move society quickly in a
corporate/political/religious lock-step. So let's stop all this talking, all
this yak-yacking, and just get cracking. Strike while the iron is white-hot.
They will call us "fascists," of course, thinking that's a slur, whereas we
know ourselves as wearing a badge of patriotic honor.
OUR TIME IS NOW
Resting on the ideological foundations prepared by Goldwater, Reagan and
CheneyBush, we're as close now as we've ever been to a popular acceptance of
what we're proposing. The Democrat party, on the other hand, is led by a
naive, probably foreign-born black man, who is a radical socialist (not to
mention a secret Muslim) who wants to enslave our citizens in his
big-government-controls-everything rule. But even that uppity usurper has to
accommodate to our reality and power.
Our Republican candidates are more or less saying everything we're saying:
Gingrich would ignore and try to close down the over-reaching federal
courts; Santorum would institute a kind of religious law based on Catholic
principles and will decimate the bloated federal governmental structure;
Romney claims he would repeal laws he doesn't like and would be "severely
conservative" in chopping governmental programs. And the libertarian Paul
would do away with the Fed and return our economy to the gold standard.
And all, except Paul, are ready to move honorably and aggressively on the
world stage, standing up for our national-security needs, including our
control of oil and gas around the globe, and confronting those opposed to
our godly dominance over the heathens. For a start, all the major GOP
candidates are eager to join Israel in bombing the Iranians back to the
stone age to keep them from letting their nuclear missiles fly.
The Republican candidates realize that war is good for our corporations'
bottom-line and for getting Americans to work together against our scary
religious and political enemies. And war is also good for keeping our
standard of living high, making sure that most of the profits and tax breaks
go to the wealthy righteous who create the most jobs and are our biggest
In short, the portents are good for our movement if we can stop sniping at
one another and get our act together quickly. We can't let this s ocial/political
opportunity go to waste lest we slide back into the confusing hurly-burly
chaos of democratic moral depravity and reckless do-gooder liberalism.
GREED IS GOOD
Luckily, the financing system for American politics is on our side. Our
corporate donors write the really big checks for the campaigns -- all nice
and legal thanks to our compatriots on the Supreme Court -- and thus more or
less control the candidates and the leadership of the GOP. In short, no
matter who wins the Republican nomination, they must bow to our movement's
will. We pay the pipers, they sing our tune.
Even if Obama were to win the general election and wanted to slide toward
the Left, we've moved the mainstream political goal-posts so far to the
Right that we've boxed him in as well, forcing him to make compromises with
our immense power, our immen$e largess, within our pre-set ideological
In short, for us it's a win-win all around.
THE ULTIMATE MORAL BATTLE
But the key take-away from this analysis is that 2012 -- despite the few
wussy Occupy anarchists here and abroad -- is the right time to launch our
campaign to Smite for The Lord. If we miss this opportunity to reshape the
country in His image, to get the right sort of leaders elected, to help
create the theocracy and martial society that God wants us to live under --
if we back away from that clear calling, we will join the rest of the world
in its secular slide toward the brimstones of Hell.
Our faith rallies us to the cause. We can use any tactic, any strategy,
break any human-made laws we need to, because we are the shock troops for
The Lord. All it will take for our crusade to be successful is our hard work
and the actual or metaphorical burning of a few political heretics at the
stake. The other side is composed of nice-guy liberals who don't know how to
fight, and wouldn't want to fight even if they knew how to go about it. They
will either meekly keep quiet or will move toward us -- or else.
We hope we can do this without too much violence. But whether or not we are
forced to go there, it's important for our side to prepare the ground for
our spiritual/political revolution: gather the tinder, oil your weapons,
dive into the world of political hardball and give no quarter to our
enemies. It's them or us. There is no middle way, no acceptable compromise,
no negotiating with the Devil. It's God vs. the AntiChrist.
Remember: Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice. Prepare thyself!
Bernard Weiner, a Ph.D. in government & international relations, has
written numerous other satires as co-editor of
The Crisis Papers.
He has taught at universities in California and Washington, and was a
writer-editor with the San Francisco Chronicle for nearly 20 years. To