Dear Diary:
It's been helter-skelter around here these days. Actually, there is no
"here." I'm on the road every day, mostly at book-signings for "Going
Rogue." Turns out I'm real popular in the real America. You betcha.
Lots of liberal commentators are assuming I wrote the book to make money.
They're right: If I'm lucky enough to get my 15 minutes of fame, you're darn
tootin' that my family and I are gonna cash in now on all that celebrity.
But there's also an assumption that I wrote the book to lay the political
groundwork for a 2012 presidential run by visiting bookstores in key
electoral states. What would make them think that? Ha, ha.
Those stupid liberals, they keep calling me unqualified and making fun of
those genuine Americans who support what I'm saying and doing. Those leftist
pundits don't seem to get the point (thank goodness!).
The way to political victory in America today is not necessarily based on
truth and reason, but on which candidate can generate the most excitement
and get voters to the polls. It's the show-biz, stupid. Ronald Reagan and
Barack Obama and their people certainly knew that. Get the buzzwords down,
ratchet up the hope and passion, and you're halfway home.
CONNECTING WITH THE FOLKS
The leftist press and nutcase bloggers come down on me because I don't know
the details of public policy or international relations or read high-falutin
newspapers and journals. Neither did George W., and he exercised total power
for eight years! And he gave the liberals a good beating while he was at it!
Politics is connecting with the common folks, and I do that better than
anyone I can think of, at least on the Republican side.
The more the liberals make fun of me and my supporters -- treating us like
little more than trailer trash -- the stronger my movement grows. The
liberal Democrats are seen as elite snobs, looking down their noses at us,
while we know we have God on our side and a growing resentment at being
ignored and humiliated.
Those kind of feelings generate red-hot political passion -- and that means
millions and millions of my voters will donate money to my campaign and go
to the polls in 2012. Somewhere I heard that a third of Democrats already
have decided they're going to stay home on Election Day, because they are so
disappointed in their party leaders, including their socialist-gasbag hero
Obama.
The best things he has going for him are his skills reading a teleprompter,
and his wife and cute daughters. I'll cut him to ribbons, just like I did
Joe Biden. I can throw Obama into a tizzy early in a debate by asking why he
doesn't show us his original birth certificate instead of just a summary
copy. Then I go into a full-court press, connect on a few easy lay-up
zingers, and keep him off his stride. Easy.
THE ELECTORAL SEE-SAW
So if Obama even gets re-nominated by the Demoncrat Party, he'll be fighting
with one arm tied behind his back, since he will have lost a good share of
his base. Maybe by that time the percentage may be much higher than a third
deserting him, especially if the economy doesn't recover enough and millions
and millions remain unemployed, if health care reform doesn't work, and if
the war in Afghanistan continues to go south. (Why don't we just nuke those
Islam suckers and get it over with? Don't we want to WIN?)
Since polls in the liberal-elitist states and big cities indicate pretty
much the same thing about me and my negatives -- that is, that at least a
third of voters won't vote for me under any circumstances -- we'd both go
into the campaign with pretty much of a wash, which puts me on an equal
plane with the President. You can't buy that kind of respectability.
And why should I bow to the wishes of the liberal commentators, who keep
urging me to "do my "homework" and "study up on the issues," etc.? I don't
want to use my time that way. I can always appoint departmental secretaries
and my advisors to read up on the issues. I want to meet with the people,
stir 'em up, make them part of my army, my onward-Christian-soldiers army,
fighting for their faith, their liberty, their right to be taken seriously
for a change.
RUNNING FOR THE LORD
I can ride that sense of humiliation and victimhood at least to the
Republican nomination -- and maybe even beyond to the White House. If God
wants me to walk into the Oval Office, that's where I will go, in the
service of The Lord. God doesn't care whether I know the intricacies of
treaties and foreign policy and domestic lawmaking and carbon emissions. God
doesn't care if I don't read the New York Times and Washington Post or surf
the blogs. All God wants to know is if my heart is pure and my faith strong.
I figure, given the kinds of people who are supporting me -- sweet, innocent
lambs, following me to the promised land -- that I can ride God all the way
into the Oval Office.
And those who try to stop me will learn who they're really dealing with.
With God as my co-pilot, I can smite with the best of them. I won't put up
with any kind of maltreatment. This babe -- this Babe for the Lord -- can
mix it up.
THE COMING ATTACKS
Getting to the Presidency isn't going to be easy. The media, blogs and
Demoncrats will go after me, my husband, my children, our lifestyle, our
occasional missteps, and all the inconsequential misspokens I've made. (Todd
is going to have to be prepared on his transgressions, and he and I will
have to spin our Alaska secession stuff and the whole illegitmate-baby
thing.) But that just makes me more attractive to my followers -- and to
those who will come over to our cause from the Independents, conservative
Republicans, faith-based Democrats and so on.
The more the liberal pundits and bloggers attack and wound me, the more the
Jesus story redounds in my favor. Don't get me wrong, diary, I'm not
comparing myself to The Lord. I'm just sayin'.
My folks will eat it up.
So my running puts the Demoncrats in a helluva a bind, excuse my French. If
they attack me the way they want to -- with me "bleeding," so to speak, as a
result of all the abuse -- I become more victimized, more sympathetic, and
more people come to my aid. If the liberals decide to ignore me, I get a
free shot at the Presidency. Either way, they lose and I gain. Is this a
great country or what?#
Copyright 2009, by Bernard Weiner
Bernard Weiner, a poet/playwright and
Ph.D. in government & international relations,
has peeked
inside the diaries of everyone from Karl Rove to Osama bin Laden
to Dick Cheney to George W. Bush. He has taught at universities in
California and Washington, worked as a writer/editor for the San Francisco
Chronicle for two decades, and currently serves as co-editor of The Crisis
Papers.
